Inspired Post

My friend and fellow blogger, Megan inspired this post today. Get to know me with a few random questions ... 

• Name: Stacy Lloyd
• Nickname: Stay, Stace, Meerkat, The Lloyd, 
• I know it's a little weird but: My second toe is longer than my first. I am pretty sure it just means I am extremely smart.
• You'll never see me: without a coffee (kidding, but it's getting bad)
• I don't get enough: Vitamin C, in the form of sun. I am so pale.
• The best advice I've ever been given: Be more confident in yourself, even if you don't know or aren't sure. Confidence glows.
• My worst home life habit: Being slightly OCD. I drive my boyfriend nuts.
• 3 words to describe my personal style: feminine, trendy, classic
• I don't like: bananas (its a texture thing) and people who constantly complain
• The quote I choose to live by: The 3 C's ... Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.
• The beauty product I can't live without: Klorane dry shampoo, Laura Mercier mascara

Conflicting Feelings in Adulthood

True story: My younger brother tormented me quite a bit as I was growing up, and my parents would hand out frequent discipline. I think I was 20 years old the last time we went head to head. 

My brother had been diagnosed with everything under the sun growing up; bi-polar, manic depressive and paranoid schizophrenic at varying times. If I recall, he was in his first mental institution at the age of 8. I couldn't even list all the problems he and I had starting at a very young age.

You can never quite describe what it is like to grow up with a troubled sibling. I had two very normal sisters; one older, one younger. My brother was a totally different story. He was fostered by my parents starting at 8 days old and then adopted by them at 2 years old. He was basically blood even if he looked nothing like us (we were all blondes/tan skin and he was a red head with freckles and pale skin).

People who know about my brother and our past will ask, "do you forgive him or have a relationship?" Sadly enough, I don't. I think I left that relationship when I left Florida almost 4 years ago. Sure, we talk on holidays and I get updates on his son, but it's different. The amount of mental and physical damage that was "our relationship" made me resent him and dislike him tremendously. I can remember the really bad times, really well and then there are so few good times. Or maybe, it seems that way.

When my brother was in jail in his late teens, he wrote me a letter. I think this was the first time I wanted to make an effort and give our relationship a though. The whole "I am sorry I did all that horrible crap to you, I found god." That lasted all of 6 months before he was right back to doing what he does. Disappointed, discourage and out of trust I kind of gave up. Actions speak louder than words and if you say something and don't follow through, it means nothing. 

It is hard to know and say that I don't have a relationship with my brother. I have to say it is what it is and be ok with it. I refuse to dwell on everything I can't control in my life. Relationships of all types take two to make them work and I won't give two times what I should. Perhaps one day things will be different until then ...

Just another Manic Monday

I wish, more than anything that I was/could become a morning person. But ... let's face it, I am not and don't think it will be easy. Mondays are the worst. I hit snooze at least 5 times plus more. So, this morning I treated myself to a large coffee. Now, kicking it off further with some Jimmy Eat World. Ah, maybe Monday isn't so bad. 

Moving on ... I had a pretty great weekend. Nothing too crazy, just overall good. Had brunch, watched a movie, went to the MOMA. Just really ... nice. I had a great conversation with someone who has quite honestly become one of my best friends, not just in NYC but in life. We talked about the importance of friends and life changes as well. It made me do some thinking and she said "can't wait to read about this in your blog," so here it is.

As I have gotten older, grew up, changed ... so have my friendships. Fortunately and unfortunately friendships are not just given. You have to seek out, earn, invest, and grow them. Some really take off and some fade out. The ones that truly succeed are typically not without being given time, compassion, understanding and lots and lots of laughs.

Not all friendships can be saved. Sadly, people come into our lives and leave as well. With change, this is inevitable. Everyone grows, changes, and it is necessary in life. Some people and relationships don't make it longterm and some people are lucky enough to have lifelong friends that, even though you both grow, you are still interested in the same things and have thnigs in common. You don't typically have the same friends in your teens as you will in your mid-20's. Talking on the phone and going to parties is no longer of interest. Personally, I love a good night in, a yummy dinner and flats to heels.

So, build relationships and cherish them but remember people do change and we all grow up. You might not always fit together. Don't force it and don't waste time with people who aren't important to you.