Monday, December 30, 2013

To Be or Not To Be ... Offended



A Facebook Friend recently posted what ended up being quite the conterversial post on "23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You Are 23" See original blog: http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/
Her friends were pretty offended with the blog and what the blogger was saying. I think you all know how I feel on this subject. I am 28 and have been in a committed relationship going on 5 years now and am very happy. However, i think everyone was missing the point of the story being told. Read it and read it again. 

The amount of growing up I did between 23 and 28 was extreme and I can't tell you that I would have been with the same person I was back then. I am definitely NOT the same person I was back then. I can't guarantee my partner would have done the same growing and changing as me. I can't tell  you how I feel about marriage, because it's not really how I feel ... it's just that I know I am happy and I don't like to force things. A go with the flow way of thinking I guess you could say!

I have some extremely happy and in love friends who are married and I couldn't be more happy for them. They show the true meaning of marriage. I see the good, the bad, the sad, the trials and tribulations from their relationships but it works and they love each other. These 4 married couples that i know are people that I look up to. They have struggled, fought, challenged each other but never walked away. They all live a little differently with their lives; some have kids, some in the city with lots of travel, some with the best of education and jobs but they are all good to each other and in love. Those are great marriages. I am lucky to be surrounded by those people. :)

Regardless, learn, live, and then love. If you can do both or all three at the same time then good for you. Lucky you!

Friday, December 27, 2013

Christmas in New York City

I can't complain. I had the last 3 days off and they were nothing short of relaxing, besides being sick (again). Seriously ... do I need to lick the subway cars to get used to all the germs here or what? I keep getting sick, its insane!

Regardless, there was no snow, but I will post pictures of the snow leading up to Christmas since it was nothing short of beautiful and breathtaking. 





We adopted a cat. I think it was more impulse by Sam, but we have talked about it for awhile. (Doesn't that sound like the biggest parental decision we have had to make?) She is sweet ... finally. She wouldn't come out forever. Sam named her Nermal after Garfield's girlfriend who is also a grey tabby. I tried to break it to him that Nermal is a boy in Garfield, but he refuses to believe me, so Nermal it is!


Nothing else much to report. Looking forward to NYE in the city and finding something to do! Also ... signing up for classes at NYU which i am pretty excited about. Should be fun!

Thoughts from Mark Twain

Ah, Mark Twain was a smart man. I read his "greatest quotes to living an awesome life" this week and wanted to repost.

1. Approve of yourself.
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behaviour and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to do more of what you really want.
This can, in a related way, be a big obstacle in personal growth. You may have all the right tools to grow in some way but you feel an inner resistance. You can’t get there.
What you may be bumping into there are success barriers. You are putting up barriers in your own mind of what you may or may not deserve. Or barriers that tell you what you are capable of. They might tell you that you aren’t really that kind of person that could this thing that you’re attempting.
Or if you make some headway in the direction you want to go you may start to sabotage for yourself. To keep yourself in a place that is familiar for you.
So you need give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Not look for the approval from others. But from yourself. To dissolve that inner barrier or let go of that self-sabotaging tendency. This is no easy task and it can take time.
2. Your limitations may just be in your mind.
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
So many limitations are mostly in our minds. We may for instance think that people will disapprove because we are too tall, too old or balding. But these things mostly matter when you think they matter. Because you become self-conscious and worried about what people may think.
And people pick up on that and may react in negative ways. Or you may interpret anything they do as a negative reaction because you are so fearful of a bad reaction and so focused inward on yourself.
If you, on the other hand, don’t mind then people tend to not mind that much either. And if you don’t mind then you won’t let that part of yourself become a self-imposed roadblock in your life.
It is, for instance, seldom too late to do what you want to do.
3. Lighten up and have some fun.
“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”
“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”
Humor and laughter are amazing tools. They can turn any serious situation into something to laugh about. They can lighten the mood just about anywhere.
And a lighter mood is often a better space to work in because now your body and mind isn’t filled to the brim with negative emotions. When you are more light-hearted and relaxed then the solution to a situation is often easier to both come up with and implement. Have a look at Lighten Up! for more on this topic.
4. Let go of anger.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
Anger is most of the time pretty pointless. It can cause situations to get out of hand. And from a selfish perspective it often more hurtful for the one being angry then the person s/he’s angry at.
So even if you feel angry at someone for days recognize that you are mostly just hurting yourself. The other person may not even be aware that you are angry at him or her. So either talking to the person and resolving the conflict or letting go of anger as quickly as possible are pretty good tips to make your life more pleasurable.
5. Release yourself from entitlement.
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing.It was here first.”
When you are young your mom and dad may give a lot of things. As you grow older you may have a sort of entitlement. You may feel like the world should just give you what you want or that it owes you something.
This belief can cause a lot of anger and frustration in your life. Because the world may not give you what expect it to. On the other hand, this can be liberating too. You realize that it is up to you to shape your own life and for you to work towards what you want. You are not a kid anymore, waiting for your parents or the world to give you something.
You are in the driver’s seat now. And you can go pretty much wherever you want.
6. If you’re taking a different path, prepare for reactions.

“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”
I think this has quite a bit of relevance to self-improvement.
If you start to change or do something different than you usually do then people may react in different ways. Some may be happy for you. Some may be indifferent. Some may be puzzled or react in negative and discouraging ways.
Much of these reactions are probably not so much about you but about the person who said it and his/her life. How they feel about themselves is coming through in the words they use and judgements they make.
And that’s OK. I think it’s pretty likely that they won’t react as negatively as you may imagine. Or they will probably at least go back to focusing on their own challenges pretty soon.
So what other people may say and think and letting that hold you back is probably just fantasy and barrier you build in your mind.
You may find that when you finally cross that inner threshold you created then people around you may not shun you or go chasing after you with pitchforks. :) They might just go: “OK”.
7. Keep your focus steadily on what you want.
“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.”
What you focus your mind on greatly determines how things play out. You can focus on your problems and dwell in suffering and a victim mentality. Or you can focus on the positive in situation, what you can learn from that situation or just focus your mind on something entirely else.
It may be “normal” to dwell on problems and swim around in a sea of negativity. But that is a choice. And a thought habit. You may reflexively start to dwell on problems instead of refocusing your mind on something more useful. But you can also start to build a habit of learning to gain more and more control of where you put your focus.
8. Don’t focus so much on making yourself feel good.
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”
This may be a bit of a counter-intuitive tip. But as I wrote yesterday, one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel good or to help them in some way.
This is a great way to look at things to create an upward spiral of positivity and exchange of value between people. You help someone and both of you feel good. The person you helped feels inclined to give you a hand later on since people tend to want to reciprocate. And so the both of you are feeling good and helping each other.
Those positive feelings are contagious to other people and so you may end up making them feel good too. And the help you received from your friend may inspire you to go and help another friend. And so the upward spiral grows and continues.
9. Do what you want to do.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Awesome quote. And I really don’t have much to add to that one. Well, maybe to write it down and keep it as a daily reminder – on your fridge or bathroom door – of what you can actually do with your life.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Brews, Boys, and BFs

Brooklyn Brewery

Sam and I went to the Brooklyn Brewery this weekend. Knocking another area off the list to discover. I loved the little neighborhood we found. Great beer, relaxing environment and an amazing little BBQ place.

Ah, we also adopted a kitten. Her name ... is Nermal. Sam named her and picked her out. So, no ... i didn't really have a choice. I like her so far though, even though she hides underneath everything and hisses at me when I try to pet her. :) He named her after Garfield's friend. She is also a grey tabby in the shows. (I think that cat in the shows is a boy though. But i wont break Sam's heart.)


I have the next 3 days off work and couldn't be mroe excited for a little digital detox. Ahhhhh. Looking forward to some relaxing, drinking, and naps. It's also Christmas so I am kicking off another one of my list items ... church, with midnight mass on Christmas Eve.

On another great note, i signed up for some meetups in January. I am really excited to get out and start making some friends. I was just talked to my oldest, dearest, and best friend and we were laughing about how much effort you have to put forth to make friends in bigger cities and even as you get older and make moves like mine.

Speaking of, I miss her. Her son is going to be a year old in next year and it is crazy. I am sad because i feel like i havent spent much time with her. Ah, so is life. 

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Be I-M-P-U-L-S-I-V-E

Learn to channel my impulsive side this year! I read a great article from Hello Giggles and picked up a few pointers to try and folow this year.


Right now, I’m trying to get better at accepting last minute plans and being spontaneous. When I try to be impulsive, I like to keep these tips in mind:
  1. Follow the lead of someone else. I almost got arrested at a Backstreet Boys concert in September because I decided to copy a frat boy and hop onto the bed of a city-owned truck to get a better view. That may sound like a terrible experience, but it was awesome. I never get in trouble, and it was so exciting to actually take a risk. I don’t recommend doing exactly what I did. You should try to follow the lead of someone who makes better decisions. But I’m still proud of myself because I did something without weighing the pros and cons first. I wouldn’t have made that decision by myself, so I’m glad I was able to play follow the leader.
  2. There’s nothing wrong with guilt. Most of the time when I say yes to last minute plans, it’s because someone guilted me into them. Whether they persuaded me to go to their New Year’s party by saying I was one of their best friends or they got me to join them at the beach with a pleading text message, my friends have figured out how to guilt me into saying yes. It almost always works. There’s nothing fun about letting down your friends, so don’t be afraid to let guilt be a deciding factor on whether or not you’ll do something.
  3. If I say no, what will I miss out on? I hate being left out. If I think I’ll miss something exciting or important, I will say yes to any plans, no matter how last minute they are. Inside jokes are constantly being formed, and I never want to be on the outside. This is probably the best way to get me to do something. I don’t want to miss out on anything.
  4. Do I have anything better to do? It’s not like I have an active social life to begin with. If I say no to everything, I’ll eventually become a hermit, which isn’t ideal. You can’t avoid all plans forever, so say yes occasionally. If you always so no, people will stop asking. Can last minute plans be scary? Yes, but being trapped inside forever with no plans is even scarier.

Monday, December 16, 2013

The Big 28

Ah, the day has finally come. The big 28. As you get older you realize that another year older doesn't feel any differently. You do tend to look back and reflect a little more and look at the future with different glasses.

I am challenging myself this year with the biggest challenge. Accomplish a list of 28 things before I hit my 29th year. Some are pretty small (make bread) and some are bigger, like international trips and such.

I've come to realize that I have got a really great life. I am blessed beyond belief with an amazing job, great friends, a loving family, and a truly awesome boyfriend. But, sometimes, begrudgingly I also find myself missing something. I find it awfully sad, when I have accomplished this much so early. 

From FL to DC and now in NYC. I am loving life and looking forward to the upcoming year. I want to live as positively as possible while staying true to the moment. Ready to explore, face my fears, search out my goals and spirituality.


See where the health and fitness world takes me
Figure out what my body needs
Strengthen my faith and my relationship with religion
Create my support system here in New York City
Get comfortable with my voice
Shut off, frequently (Digital Detox)
Save way more
Get in touch, stay in touch
Give back
Plan an international trip
Complete a 5k/10k without stopping
Do the Oregon Wine Trail
Fly high in the Philadelphia Zoo balloon
Try Acupuncture
Get my parents to visit NYC
Go to London for a weekend
Discover amazing new music
Go to a paint party/glo-party
Dye my hair (again)
Take a solo trip
Take a "how to" class
Send more snail mail
Do 29 days of something
Make bread
Visit a friend
Visit a new area in NYC once a month
Blog about it
Learn to meditate